i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
