It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
