They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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