Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
