the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
