i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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