It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
