he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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