I just cut my nipple shaving
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
