sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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