Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
