got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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