They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
