.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
