dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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