Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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