Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
