The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
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