New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
