she is the kim kardashian of front butts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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