you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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