Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
