i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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