Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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