Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
