These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
