"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
