Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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