haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
