just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
