So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
