I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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