she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
