one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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