I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
