he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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