dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
