I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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