Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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