If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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