My hand turned me down
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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