Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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