used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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