census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
