I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
