hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
