I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
