WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Pooping to opera.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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