Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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