Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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