i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
