The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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