whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
