I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
