so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
