im six kinds of drunk right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
