Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
