Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
