i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
