one two three fourrrrnication!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
