it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
