He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
