By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
