can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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