the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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