I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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