All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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