Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
