having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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