Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
