the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
