it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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