i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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