So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
